“The neighbor next door told me about the terrible scene she had with her teenage daughter. Her daughter had become pregnant and they accused her in the same way. How could you do that? How could you do that to us? – They kept repeating. I felt sorry for them and for their suffering, for everyone. Parents who felt betrayed and the girl who had made a mistake. I was thinking about how I could help them.
I couldn’t even sleep that night. In the morning I called my mother, as I always do when I can’t find a solution. My mother reminded me of a word I always heard in the house, in my childhood, and from her and my grandmother. When the child has a problem, close your mouth and open your arms.
I tried to apply this advice in my relationships with my children. Five children in six years. Of course, it didn’t work out every time. I have a little patience and a big mouth.
I remember Carla, my eldest daughter, when she was 4 years old she was playing in our bedroom and she broke a lamp. After looking for her to see that she didn’t cut herself, I started the scandal, that it was an old lamp from my mother, that she needed to be more careful and then I noticed something. Fear, dread, and horror in her eyes. Her lips trembled. She was distancing himself from me. I instantly remembered my mother’s words. I stopped talking, opened my arms, and waited.
Carla jumped into my arms saying she didn’t do it anymore, that she was sorry. I held her in my arms for a few minutes until she calmed down. I felt terrible. How could I make her believe that lamp was more important than her?
I told her that I apologize, that people are more important than lamps, and that I am glad she was not cut.
Fortunately, the lamp incident did not traumatize my daughter, but she taught me that it is better to keep my mouth shut than to say angry things, things that hurt.
When they became teenagers, I repeated my mother’s technique. I kept my mouth shut and the children came to me. When I kept my mouth shut, I began to hear them talking about their fears, their anger. They admitted to themselves that they were wrong and that they regretted it, without me teaching them a lesson. They knew that even though they were wrong, their mother would love them anyway. In these situations, we no longer bothered with the reason why we ended up in that situation, but we thought about how to solve the created situation.
Now my children are older, each at his own home. My youngest son called me one night and told me he had done something stupid. I invited him home to talk.
I listened to him for about an hour. I swallowed hard as he told me what had happened. I got up to take him in my arms. His hug was so strong, I thought it was going to suffocate me.
I heard:
– Thank you, Mommy! I knew you would help me solve this!
It’s amazing how smart I become when I close my mouth and open my arms. ”